you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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