So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
