i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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