The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
