she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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