If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
