I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
