Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize