I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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