wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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