does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
