I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
