I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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