He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
