Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
