I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize