I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
