I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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