Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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