I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
