that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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