he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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