i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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