Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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