I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
