youre lurking in front of me
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
