You don't have asthma, your pregnant
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
