yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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