"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
