just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize