thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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