Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We got so high we made milksteak
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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