He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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