I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
