I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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