dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
well you can't waste a boner
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
