I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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