Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
