Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
