its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
