omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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