My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
