No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
