you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
