my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Holy sore nipples Batman
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
