That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
