Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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