Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
