Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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