I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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