why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
false alarm, still single
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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