about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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