What did we do last night that was yellow?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
