can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
