Say something about gay babies.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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