...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
two words: eviction party
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize