5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
