So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
