Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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