the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
