Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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