Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
