i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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