I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
