took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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