I heard we made out
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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