no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
