Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
