Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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