I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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