you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
