seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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