there's paper in my vomit.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
