He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
