he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
