Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
