So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
