Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize