You don't have asthma, your pregnant
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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