I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
