I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
